As I shared in the previous article I grew up as an only child and therefore grew up thinking, naturally, that everything was mine. The Christmas budget for children, all mine. The total kids birthday budget, mine again. Any kids expenses budget throughout the year, you guessed it, still all mine. Being favoured was my normal treatment and again, I did not learn another way until I grew older and entered the mainstream of life and realised that there were other ways to have life done to you that were a lot less fair.
The Joseph and the Coat of Many Colors story is one of the first parts of Joseph’s life that many children learn from the Bible.
It is easy to remember the colourful coat.
But behind that famous coat is a much deeper story about family relationships, favouritism, jealousy, comparison, and the choices we make when we feel overlooked.
Joseph’s story can help preteens think about questions they may already be asking:
- Why does it seem like someone else is the favourite?
- Why do parents sometimes treat children differently?
- What should I do when I feel left out?
- Is it wrong to feel jealous?
- How can I stop comparing myself with other people?
- What happens when jealousy controls our choices?
Let’s take a closer look at Joseph, his coat, and his brothers.
Who Was Joseph and the Coat of Many Colors?
Joseph was the eleventh son of Jacob.
Jacob had twelve sons, but Joseph had a particularly special place in his father’s heart.
Genesis 37 tells us that Jacob loved Joseph more than his other sons and gave him a special robe.
Depending on the Bible translation, this garment is described in different ways, including a coat of many colours or an ornate robe.
Whatever it looked like, the message was clear:
Joseph was being treated differently.
And his brothers noticed.
The Coat Was More Than Just Clothing
Today, a colourful jacket might simply be something fun to wear.
But Joseph’s special robe represented something much bigger.
It showed his father’s favour toward him.
That made the other brothers feel angry and jealous.
They saw Joseph receiving special treatment, and their resentment grew.
The coat itself wasn’t the problem.
The problem was what the coat represented within the family.
This is an important distinction for kids.
Sometimes an object isn’t really what bothers us.
It’s what we think the object means.
“They got a new phone, so their parents must love them more.”
“She got picked first, so she’s more important.”
“He got praised, so nobody notices me.”
Our interpretation of a situation can sometimes make our feelings much stronger.
Favouritism Can Hurt
Jacob’s favouritism created tension between Joseph and his brothers.
This doesn’t mean Jacob was responsible for every decision his sons later made.
Joseph’s brothers were still responsible for their own choices.
But the family environment was unhealthy.
When children feel that someone else is receiving special treatment, resentment can develop.
Preteens understand this feeling.
Maybe a sibling seems to get more freedom.
Maybe someone receives more attention.
Maybe a brother or sister seems to be praised more often.
Maybe another child always seems to be the one who succeeds.
It can be tempting to think:
“It’s not fair.”
Sometimes it really may not be fair.
But what happens next is important.
Feeling Jealous Doesn’t Make You a Bad Person
This is worth saying clearly.
Feeling jealous is not the same as choosing jealousy.
Everyone experiences difficult emotions.
You might feel jealous when someone gets something you wanted.
You might feel left out when someone else gets attention.
You might feel frustrated when somebody seems to have an easier life.
The feeling itself isn’t the final choice.
The question is:
“What will I do with this feeling?”
You can acknowledge it without allowing it to control your behaviour.
Joseph’s Brothers Let Jealousy Grow
Genesis 37 says Joseph’s brothers hated him and could not speak peacefully to him.
Their jealousy wasn’t dealt with.
Instead, it grew.
And then Joseph shared his dreams.
His dreams appeared to show that his family would one day bow down to him.
His brothers certainly didn’t appreciate hearing that.
Their jealousy became even stronger.
This gives us an important warning:
Uncontrolled jealousy rarely stays small.
It can become:
comparison → resentment → anger → harmful choices
That’s exactly what happens in Joseph’s story.
Comparison Can Feed Jealousy
Preteens live in a world where comparison is everywhere.
School.
Sport.
Friendships.
Clothes.
Phones.
Games.
Grades.
Appearance.
Social media.
It’s easy to look at someone else and think:
“They have something I don’t.”
The problem with comparison is that we usually compare our ordinary life with someone else’s best moments.
We see what they have.
We don’t always see what they’re struggling with.
Instead of asking:
“Why don’t I have what they have?”
try asking:
“What has God already given me?”
That changes the direction of your thinking.
What Happened to Joseph?
One day, Jacob sent Joseph to check on his brothers while they were tending the sheep.
When they saw him approaching, they began plotting against him.
Their jealousy had gone much further than simply disliking his coat.
Some of the brothers wanted to kill him.
Instead, Joseph was thrown into a pit.
Later, he was sold to travelling merchants heading toward Egypt.
Joseph was taken away from his family and sold as a slave.
The colourful coat that had represented his father’s love was gone.
His comfortable life was gone.
His family was gone.
Everything had changed.
A Terrible Choice
Joseph’s brothers had allowed their feelings to influence their actions.
This is one of the strongest lessons in the entire story.
They couldn’t control the fact that Jacob favoured Joseph.
They couldn’t control Joseph’s dreams.
But they could control how they responded.
Instead, they chose hatred and violence.
This is something every preteen needs to understand:
You can’t always control what happens to you.
But you can learn to control how you respond.
Someone may get picked before you.
Someone may receive something you wanted.
Someone may get more attention.
Someone may seem more successful.
You still have a choice.
What Could Joseph Have Done?
It’s interesting to think about Joseph’s side of the story too.
Joseph was the one receiving the special treatment.
But that didn’t mean everything he did was wise.
Sharing dreams that suggested his family would bow down to him probably wasn’t the best way to build relationships with jealous brothers.
Joseph was young.
He was still learning.
That’s another helpful lesson:
People in the Bible weren’t perfect.
Joseph had strengths and weaknesses.
His brothers made serious mistakes.
Jacob made mistakes.
Yet God continued working through the family.
The Bible doesn’t hide people’s failures.
It shows them honestly.
What Can Kids Learn About Favouritism?
Joseph’s story doesn’t tell us that every child must receive exactly the same thing.
Families have different needs.
One child may need more help.
Another may have different responsibilities.
Another may receive something special for a particular reason.
Fair doesn’t always mean identical.
But parents and adults should still be careful about showing favouritism because children can be deeply affected by feeling less valued.
And children can learn to respond to those feelings in healthy ways.
What If You Feel Like the Unfavoured Child?
Maybe you sometimes feel like Joseph’s brothers.
Perhaps you think someone else is the favourite.
Before allowing that feeling to turn into resentment, try these steps.
1. Talk About It
Find a trusted adult and explain how you’re feeling.
Don’t start with accusations.
Instead of:
“You love them more than me!”
try:
“Sometimes I feel like they get more attention than I do.”
That’s a much better starting point for a conversation.
2. Check the Story You’re Telling Yourself
Ask:
“Do I know this is true, or is this how I’m feeling?”
Sometimes our feelings are telling us something important.
Sometimes they’re also exaggerating the situation.
Taking a step back can help.
3. Don’t Punish Someone Else for Being Loved
This is one of the biggest lessons from Joseph’s brothers.
Joseph didn’t choose to be Jacob’s favourite.
His brothers were responsible for how they responded.
If someone receives attention, praise or a gift, that doesn’t mean you need to treat them badly.
4. Celebrate Someone Else’s Success
This can be difficult—but it’s powerful.
When someone else succeeds, try saying:
“Well done!”
Even if part of you feels jealous.
Your feelings may take time to catch up with your choice.
That’s okay.
You’re learning.
What If You Are the Favourite?
This side of the story is often overlooked.
What if you’re the child who gets the attention?
What if you’re good at school?
What if your parents praise you?
What if you’re the one who gets picked?
You also have a responsibility.
Don’t use someone else’s struggles to make yourself feel better.
Don’t brag.
Don’t make comparisons.
Don’t tease someone about something they’re struggling with.
Humility matters.
You can enjoy your success while still caring about people around you.
The Coat Didn’t Determine Joseph’s Worth
Here’s something important to remember.
Joseph’s value wasn’t ultimately determined by his colourful coat.
And his brothers’ value wasn’t determined by what they received—or didn’t receive—from their father.
Our possessions, achievements and popularity don’t determine our worth.
A person can have the most expensive clothes and still struggle with insecurity.
A person can get the highest mark and still need encouragement.
A person can be overlooked by everyone else and still be deeply valuable.
Your worth is bigger than what other people have.
God Was Still Working
When Joseph was thrown into the pit, it would have been difficult to imagine anything good coming from the situation.
Yet that wasn’t the end of his story.
Joseph was taken to Egypt.
He became a servant.
He was falsely accused.
He went to prison.
He eventually became a ruler.
Years later, his position allowed him to help save many lives during a famine.
And eventually, his own family came to Egypt.
The coat was only the beginning.
Joseph’s life became a much bigger story about faith, integrity, forgiveness and God’s purpose.
From the Coat to God’s Purpose
This is one of the most encouraging parts of Joseph’s story.
The thing his brothers associated with their jealousy became part of a much bigger journey.
Joseph didn’t know where his life was heading.
He couldn’t see the future when he was standing in that field with his brothers.
He couldn’t see the future when he was sitting in the pit.
He couldn’t see the future when he was taken to Egypt.
But God could.
Sometimes you can’t see the whole picture.
That doesn’t mean there isn’t one.
What Can Preteens Do About Jealousy?
Here are five practical ways to respond when jealousy appears.
STOP
Notice the feeling instead of immediately reacting.
NAME IT
Say honestly:
“I’m feeling jealous right now.”
THANK GOD
Think of three things you are grateful for.
CELEBRATE OTHERS
Choose one positive thing to say about the person you’re comparing yourself with.
CHOOSE YOUR RESPONSE
Ask:
“What would a wise, kind and faithful response look like?”
Then do that.
A Simple Challenge
Think about someone you have recently felt jealous of.
Maybe they:
- got something you wanted
- achieved something you couldn’t
- received praise
- made a new friend
- got picked for something
- seemed to have an easier opportunity
Now write down three things you are thankful for in your own life.
Then choose one positive thing you can say or do for that person.
It might feel strange at first.
Do it anyway.
You’re learning not to let jealousy make your choices for you.
The Big Lesson from Joseph’s Coat
The coat of many colours is memorable.
But the real lesson isn’t about the coat.
It’s about what happened inside the hearts of Joseph’s family.
Jacob’s favouritism contributed to tension.
Joseph’s brothers allowed jealousy to grow.
Their jealousy led to terrible choices.
Yet Joseph’s story didn’t end in that pit.
God continued working.
Years later, forgiveness became possible.
And Joseph could see that God had been working through circumstances he couldn’t understand at the time.
We may not be able to control what other people receive.
We can control how we respond.
That’s a lesson worth carrying far beyond the story of Joseph.
Final Thought for Preteens
The next time you see someone receiving something you wish you had, stop for a moment.
Don’t immediately compare.
Don’t assume you’re less important.
Don’t allow jealousy to make your decisions.
Instead, remember Joseph.
His story reminds us that our value doesn’t depend on being someone else’s favourite, having what someone else has, or always being recognised.
God can work through your life too.
Even when you don’t understand what He’s doing.
Even when someone else seems to be getting all the attention.
Even when life feels unfair.
Your story isn’t finished.
Keep Exploring the Joseph Bible Story
Joseph’s coat was only the beginning of an incredible journey through Genesis.
His story continues through dreams, jealousy, betrayal, slavery, temptation, prison, leadership, famine, forgiveness, family and God’s purpose.
If you’re looking for a Joseph Bible lesson for kids or a Joseph devotional for preteens, 30 Days with Joseph takes kids through Joseph’s journey over 30 days.
Each day includes Bible reading, devotional teaching, Think About It questions, a practical faith challenge, reflection, prayer, memory verses and Bible facts in a low-prep, preteen-friendly format.
It is designed for Christian families, homeschoolers, Sunday school, children’s ministry, youth groups and Christian educators.